Moderation is Key(ish)

It might be a hard truth to hear, but I’ve found over the years (through plenty fault of my own) that we Heart-Centered/Empaths (enneagram 2s, 3s and 4s as well if you follow it) have a bad habit of trying to be the world’s moderators.

What do I mean by this? Well I mean simply this:

Sometimes we heart-centereds have a tendency to interject ourselves into other people’s drama in an attempt to help solve whatever outstanding problem there currently is.

Why? Because we don’t like conflict.

We especially don’t like conflict that affects ours and others peace. It can put us in a state of unease to see these things take place, so in an effort to keep ourselves in emotional homeostasis, we step in to try to regulate the situation.

(“Mind ya business” comes to mind.)

Now I’m not saying this is completely a bad thing; Sometimes it’s great to have that buffer there that can help people who may be having trouble communicating come to some form of an amicable agreement…. and that’s lovely, when it works.

But what about the times when it’s friend against friend, or family member against family member and you’re torn between the both of them? What if it’s an issue that you honestly have no business being a part of?

(But of course we have to get involved because that’s what we do… Enneagram 2s sound off with your helpful selves.)

This could be detrimental not only to your friendships, but also to your own mental health as well.

As an example; I once found that when I tried to come in between friends over a dispute, I found myself battling back and forth trying to appease both sides so they didn’t feel like I was taking ones side over the other. I was spreading myself too thin trying to keep the peace that I was unknowingly martyring myself.

Ultimately, the issue became that now I was a point of contention for both parties and ended up losing both as friends in the process because of it.

My overall point is to pick and choose your battles. There are times when being the buffer is necessary. But then there are times when it could be problematic on all sides.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Ben Driskell, LMT is a massage therapist practicing in greater Pensacola, FL area. Besides being a “muscle whisperer”, he greatly enjoys writing about issues related to healthy masculinity, mindful living and sacred intimacy. He hopes to aid men in embracing a lifestyle that is authentic to them and not what society says they should be.